Real Talk & Hip-Hop

Picture Perfect.

2008-05-24T01:08:00.001-04:00

"Alien can blend right on in wit' yo' kin, look again cause I swear I spot one every now and then" - Andre 3000

Life is a bunch of bullshit. While living through this bullshit, which smells alot worse than it did a couple of years ago, I've realized that no one is perfect. No shit right? But it gets deeper than that because we tend to overlook the flaws of those close to us. Like our bestfriends, we'd swear up and down that they were perfect. Take a step back and really get a good look at them. No picture is perfect...right?

Nothing in my life has really turned out the way I want it. I plan and think I know the outcome and boom shit hits me and I end up disappointed. With that type of shit happening it kind of makes me want to stop dreaming. To stop taking time out of my day to sit and just daydream about the months to come. Planning shit out when I know I really don't have any control over it. Thinking I'm going to do this or get that when deep down inside I know I'll never grasp that shit.

Pictures just don't come out of a camera. I can picture myself being 21 living in Atlanta in a nice two bedroom apartment. Fresh out of college...nice car...nice job. Straight doing me. Or I can picture myself being lowered into my grave and all my loved ones gathered around dressed in black crying. But even then those imaginary pictures aren't perfect.

I guess what I'm trying to say is nothing is perfect...but I could of just said that all along and didn't have to write all this shit. Perfection is something you can strive for in whatever you want. Your dreams, career, relationships...anything. But everything has its flaws. That apple of your eye just might be rotten and that bestfriend you've always wanted just might not be a friend at all. That picture you've painted so vividly with your imagination will have its errors here and there...shit you really can't control. Your life isn't going to go the way you planned it. Its alright though, because I mean shit...what really is perfection anyway? When you find something thats truly perfect...let me know.

Growing Pains/ The Last Hoorah

2008-02-18T22:40:00.003-05:00

"Waitin' paitently I ask myself, where I wanna go, where I wanna be, life is much more than runnin' in the streets" ~ Consequence, off of Kanye's "Spaceship"

So I think I've reached a point in my life, where I need to start to decide want I want to do with the rest of it. As much as I'd love to revert back to being 10 and not having to deal with any bullshit, I have to grow up sometime.

There is just one problem. I have no idea where I want to go. I'm not even completely sure if I know myself well enough at this point. Which leaves me with quite a dilemma.

With all my pondering, I have come to one conclusion....I don't want to grow up. You know when your 9 and you just want to be older? Yeah, I'm at the point where shit hits the fan. Not to say I'm old, not by any means, but I think I've been slapped with the realization that I'm only a few years away from having to enter the real world.

I'm not ready.

And....well now onto part two of this blog. There are a few other things I feel the need to address.

The Last Hoorah. The Final Stand. The End of the Road.
Whatever you want to call it, I think this blog may have reached it.

With this being the first blog from me in probably a month, and the first blog period in about 3 weeks, this seems to be dying off.
Not that anyone actually reads this to care. Lets be real, no one actually reads this shit, besides my partner in crime.

Granted, this blog was never really about becoming a "famous" (as famous as you can hope to be off the internet) writer, or attracting fans, or anything. It was just a way for both of us to express our opinions and thoughts, a really cheap (free) form of therapy if you will.

But it seems that now, sadly, this ride has reached it's final destination. Hey, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'll end up writing again, but who knows. If anyone actually reads this blog, drop a comment and let me know you're gonna miss it.

If not, more realistically, peace to everyone who (doesn't) read this.

"Sometimes we try to fly with our wings tattered, sometimes we don't think to try cuz we don't know any better, So I've gathered myself just to prove, to me, I am not afraid anymore, of whats around the corner" ~ Tonedeff

One Love,
Blue

Keep up.

2008-01-29T17:25:00.000-05:00

"It ain't what you cop, its about what you keep" - L Boogie

Just like its not about where you from doggie, its about where you pay the rent at. In life sometimes the big picture isn't always the most important one. Doesn't matter what you have...its all about if you can keep it. Somethings you can't keep forever, but as long as you have the memories then they are yours forever. Learn that.

I've always been a materialistic person. The money and the clothes seem to matter the most to me. In the end I can't keep either forever. Even with knowing that for some reason I still depend on it. I guess I'm brainwashed...or I guess I really just don't care.

You can't cop life, love...death, or anything of that nature. So I guess its about how long you can keep it. Holding on to things is always whats up. Yeah you might have the better looking car...until someone steals it. Real Talk.

This is a Dedication...

2008-01-20T16:09:00.000-05:00

"My life is full of empty promises and broken dreams, I'm hopin things look up but there's no job openings..." ~ Eminem

Life can be described in many ways, but right now I would have to say the most appropriate word is frustrating.

I never try to hate on anyone for stupid shit, like you homotional e-thugs always do (word at threatening dudes over the internet), but sometimes there are moments when you need to replenish your body with alittle haterade.

What I'm getting at is people who know nothing of struggling. Nothing of being broke, nothing of having any sort of hardships. Listen, losing your cell phone for 2 weeks cuz you got a C on your report card isn't a big deal. Shut the fuck up, no one cares, and your not struggling because you can't get that new xbox game until your parents get a paycheck next week.

If you work for what you have, I have no problem with you. It's the people who have everything yet still complain who need robbed. Take a walk in someone elses shoes where you can't go and buy what ever you want whenever you want, or hell, even buy something you need when you need it. If you've been through the bullshit then you know how stressful life can be.

And seeing everyone else walking around, blowing money like it's nothing, and not being able to do anything you want because you have none....it's one word. Frustrating.

Maybe I'm just on that haterade. All I really know is that I'm frustrated.

"This (blog) is dedicated to all the happy people, who have real nice lives, and don't know what it's like to be broke as fuck" ~ Eminem

Peace,
Blue aka 1Breath

Thats like half my hand.

2008-01-13T22:30:00.000-05:00

"My uncle said when you grow up some of your friends will be dead" - Black Spade

Childhood friends...I have a few. Not many...but enough to know as you grow up you change(thats obvious). What hit me though was that as you grow your friends change as well. Some change for the better...and others for the worse. Most are for worse...sad to say that most of my friends aren't doing much with their life. I've grown up enough and I guess in a way my friends are dead.

"A thug changes, and love changes and best friends become strangers, word up" - Nas

Word up. A thug changes. Love definitely changes. Friends become strangers...yeah. I have more than a few friends that have become strangers. Niggas act like they don't even know ya' boy anymore, but its all good. I don't adapt well to change but change happens. Whether its friends, love, or your own personal change. I've never tried to stop it...because you really can't.

I've watched some of my people go from good kids to drug dealers. Dudes changed so much every time I'm with them something pops off. I guess it hurts me in a way to see my niggas that I'm down for get trapped in the system. I don't really blame the change of growing up for this. I'd rather blame the streets. The hood made my niggas like this...and made me the way I am today.

I'm only 16 so I got some more growing to do. But if your 16 and you can say your friends have died in any type of way thats not whats up. I guess my uncle was right. For my people that have become strangers I still know you...you just don't know me.

For The Love.

2008-01-06T00:04:00.000-05:00

"For the Love is a hard reason to keep my life in suspension" - Deacon

For the love...theres alot of things I love. Some have their positive and negative effects. Some might help me while others break me down. Some might do both at the same time. Its all for the love though, right?

Does love pay the bills though? Kiss was right the money will never equal to the love, but at some point your going to need the money. Then at some point your going to look back at the love you recieved. Its all about the love you give though. Having the love, recieving the love, and giving the love are all different. Love is a hard reason to keep my life in suspension...but maybe its worth it.

For the love of Hip-Hop I know I might never sell a record and have to rely on tour sales. I know I might sign to a record label that might put me into modern day slavery. I know that I might never get the chance to record a single record. Thats the suspension. Why I still love it? I can't even tell you why...all I can say is I do it for the love.

'For the Love' might seem dumb to many, but we all have something or someone we love. It might be bittersweet love or it might be the love of your life. Don't look at it as keeping your life in suspension for the sacrifices you may have to make. Look at it as getting one step closer to your love. Cause in the end...nigga its all for the love.

Sunshine to the Rain

2008-01-02T01:13:00.000-05:00

"Sunshine to the rain, when it comes it goes again, even when the story ain't, just turn the page and begin again" ~ Anthony Hamilton (on Miri Ben Ari's song "Sunshine to the Rain" which also features Scarface)

This blog comes from some thinking on New Years Eve (which sucked but I'm not going to explain).
Reflecting on this past year I've seen a few different things. I've seen some shitty ass experiences, and some good ones. But through all of it I've gained one thing. Growth.

I think I've grown alot this year, maturity wise, intellectually, mentality, everything. And I guess '08 is the year where I want to focus.
I wanna stop being "the invisible man" (that will be another blog) and start putting in work. 2008 is gonna be the year of the grind for me. On the writing tip, on the rapping tip, on the social tip, everything. I want to stop holding my self back from everything.

So basically, my new years resolution is to actually achieve some of my goals this year. I've had certain goals for awhile but have never really done anything about them. And I feel like now is the time, or else I never will. Turn the rain to sunshine.

"I got my ear to the street, my head to the sky, n***** gonna hate and I don't understand why, I'm just tryin to get money, and have the whole world remember me, so touch mine and become a memory" ~ Wiz Khalifa

Peace,
Blue

Recall the past.

2007-12-30T03:05:00.000-05:00

"Yeah sitting in the staircase holding back tears, Looking over mad years worth of photographs, Pictures of some places I ain't never going back, Some people I used to love why I ain't show em' that?" - Black Thought

When I reminisce I might hold back some tears too. Looking back at a painful past isn't easy. It brings back some memories that I really would like to forget. Running from the past isn't an option though. My past reminds me of where I'm from and what I've been through to get to where I am. Every change is worth a photograph...some I want to throw into a fire and never think of again. Others might just get their own spot on my wall one day.

Couple of years ago I'd say the place where I'm from is home. I'd also say that when I turn 18 its the place I'd run off to. I've grown here in Georgia though and learned some things on my owned. The place where I'm from is a city I'll stay repping and thinking about but isn't a place that I'd want to return to. Maybe its because I know things have changed since I've been away almost 10 years. Or maybe because it wasn't a happy place to be. Its not about where your from its about where you pay the rent. Home is where the heart is...Georgia stole my heart a long time ago.

Love is something everyone should show. I've shown it alot in the past...or atleast I thought I did. Looking back I see some people that I most definitely could of gave a "I love you" to. But I never did and now I'll never really be able to. Maybe because it wasn't really love, or because I just didn't know how to tell them. I loved them...why ain't I show them that?

My past shaped and molded me into the person I am today. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? What I've been through left some scars on me physically and emotionally. But I'm still alive and stronger than ever. I may not know exactly where I'm headed in life or what the future may hold for me, but knowing my past lets me know not to make the same mistakes others did. Reminisce for a spell.

Love of money...

2007-12-30T03:02:00.000-05:00

"When the 'frigerator naked then the cupboard is bare, people got to strip naked stick em' up in the air" - Black Thought

Is it really the root of all evil? I mean if you aren't eating and the roof over your head isn't that nice you'd be robbing too right? I know I would. Hell, some would rob just so they could cop the new Jordans. I know one thing though. Ima' make money. And if I can't make it...Ima' take money. Feel me?

I mean, its dudes that will do anything to make a dollar. The hustle mentality. Its all the art of business. Supply and demand. See school of hard knocks all you need to know is your math. Add the cost of bullets, subtract your enemies, divide your obstacles, and multiply your money. Its all about the paper around here.

I know if I'm broke and hungry Ima' get mind regardless. The love of money might be the root of all evil.
(its late as hell...I'll write a better one later)

Poetry for the heart.

2007-12-28T04:04:00.000-05:00

"A poet's wise words teach these people, so let my poetry reach these people" - Maddchild(yeah the one and only)

I love poetry. I can't explain it...its just crazy. A teacher of mine introduced me to Def Poetry Jam. So I'm going to share three of my favorite videos.

Fantasize - Floetry

This is just crazy. Not only do they make some sick music they also make some sick poems.

Be Known - Common

Common Sense niggas. First couple of lines...story of my life.

Penny For Your Thoughts - Gemineye

I want to explore every inch of your mind before I explore every inch of your body. Gemineye is nice with it.

Just a couple of poems I like. You can go to youtube and just type in Def Poetry Jam and check some more out.

"Uplift myself from beneath these people, so one day these people view me as an equal" - Maddchild

A Little Goes a Long Way

2007-12-27T13:19:00.000-05:00

"It's all the, small things" ~ Blink 182
(yeah it's not rap, sue me)

Recently I've noticed that alot of times it isn't anything huge that can make a person feel good.
Just one small gesture can make a big difference in someone's day. Maybe you helped someone up who fell outside, maybe you were nice to someone who that doesn't happen to very often; there are plenty of situations and I could give examples all day.

Personally I think just one small gesture affects me more than something larger from someone else. Everyone expects their good friends to hold them down and help them out when in their times of need, so when they do it's not really a big deal. But when someone you don't really know helps you out it makes you feel great.

I guess from my perspective, things like that just remind me that the world isn't full of douchebags, and there are still some people with good hearts out there.

So if you see someone having a shitty day, maybe just reach out to them. I bet you it will mean a lot more to them than you would think.

Peace (and sorry for the long absence),
Blue aka 1Breath

I was feelin' the same.

2007-12-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

"Well I'm feelin' your pain, I was feelin' the same, But I said I'd never feel that again" - Lupe Fiasco

Ever felt like you couldn't trust anyone? Like everyone who says they are down for you, really aren't? Like everyone around you or in your inner circle are putting up a front? I've felt that way before. I felt the pain of thinking I was alone in my struggle. Then I did some growing, and I said I'd never feel that way again.

Ever felt like the person your currently lovin' isn't loving you back? Like "I love you" doesn't quite describe your relationship. Maybe you want more than a "I love you" every now and then, or maybe they aren't even showing the love. Its all good, cause I've felt that pain before. I learned some life lessions, and I said I'd never feel that way again.

Ever felt like your dreams are just dreams and nothing more? Like your living in a world where you'll never reach the level you want to be at? Maybe you don't know whats real and whats just a dream anymore? We all feel that sometimes our goals may be unrealistic or are in an area we feel we'll never be able to reach. Its all good, I've been there and done that. I just sat back, got my mind right and found out what I actually want. We've all felt the same, and some of us will never feel that again. I know I won't.

The coolest nigga...what?

2007-12-20T13:56:00.000-05:00

"I'm on my mission to be, be the coolest nigga wha'" - Lupe Fiasco

Doesn't everyone want to be popular in some sort of way? From the quiet girl that wants attention from the males to the young hustler that wants to be known in the streets. Wanting to be known for atleast something is what many people want, regardless if they want to admit it or not. Honestly, its not that hard to do that. The only thing holding many people back is that they put on a front to be known for something they're not.

I wouldn't say I'm popular or widely known by everyone. I mean, alot of people know me, are cool with me, and theres always my circle of niggas I hang with. With that being said personally I believe I'm popular in my own way. But I still find myself searching to be the coolest nigga.

Lupe's opinion of being the coolest nigga is basically chasing the game, being in the game, and dying in the game. But once your the coolest nigga around you never really die, right? I mean its not like you get hit with some bullets and don't survive and people forget about you. Everyone knows your the dumb mothafucka who got caught slipping and went out like a target in a shooting range. Your no longer the coolest nigga, you just become an example.

Regardless of all that, every dude coming up in the struggle strives to be one of the coolest. Some dudes might reach that level of street success and become another example to these youngins growing up. Some might actually realize what they're chasing is foolishness. I want to be one of the latter. But until I actually admit to the lil' dude in my head that one of the things I'm chasing in this world is the root of all evil. I'll continue on my mission to be the coolest nigga(what).

I Put A Spell On Dem' Hoes.

2007-12-19T23:44:00.000-05:00

"I'm the reason she don't fuck wit' you no mo'" - Witchdoctor

Ever wondered why a girl stopped calling you? Or maybe she doesn't pay much attention to you anymore? Why? Because she found a real nigga, yes a real nigga. Maybe it was me, maybe it was one of my boys. Maybe, fucking with you and your lame shit made her go dyke. It really doesn't matter who she ran to, we all know she doesn't fuck wit' you no mo'. But hey, we've all messed up and missed our chance with a girl...or guy for you ladies that read this. You just gotta' learn how to put a spell on dem' hoes.

Putting a spell on them is just laying down some game thats so tight, so fire that they just say "fuck you" to any other nigga that approaches them besides you. Spitting game like this doesn't require you to put on a front or anything of that nature. All you have to do is have the confidence and be yourself. You also have to know the game, respect the game, and abide by the games unspoken rules.

Once you get all that down then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone to lay down a spell. Just be careful cause females can spit some nice game too. And if you are a foolish little nigga you'll end up paying her bills, which is a no-no.

"I put a spell on dem' hoes, forgive me lord but I'm hell on dem' hoes" - Witchdoctor
I just felt like adding that in there.

"Put a spell on em', forgive me lord but I'm hell on em', baby we grown folk, so let me longstroke and send em' back to they man with my smell on em'" - Phonte

Let me be quiet for I tell on em'. Taking another niggas girl when hes fucking up is just so satisfying. So when ya' girl comes home with a faint smell of men's cologne and my number in her phone then just know I put a spell on her. Forgive me lord, but you bitch niggas need to learn how to take care of your girls better. No handcuffing, but atleast lay down your game so hard that she isn't fucking around with you. But once I lay down the pipe so hard, its a wrap. And I become the reason why she don't fuck with you no mo'.

A New Day

2007-12-16T21:34:00.000-05:00

"Why try to fit in when you're a stand out" ~ Joe Budden

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like "damn, today is the beginning of something new" ?
I had one of those today, an epiphany, if you will.

For years I've tried to work out my own problems and become that dude that everyone loves. Throughout all of this I've realized that isn't really what I want. I don't want to be the guy that gets shown love by many but isn't really loved by any.

Maybe your sitting there right now like "duh, you a stupid motherfucker for realizing this now". But I don't think some of you yourselves have either. Why should I try to fit in and do what everyone else is doing?

I've always known I was different from the majority of kids these days. Not more booksmart but more wise. Not more creative but more thoughtful. Not more pimp but more caring. And I think at this point I've realized I need to say fuck what you think and do me. I don't give a shit if you think I'm soft cuz I care for a girl, or you think I'm "emo" cuz I have some issues.

Today was the day where it really hit me like, "I want to turn my life around, I'm gonna stop letting life take me on a ride and start taking my life where I want it to go". I have talent in writing, in the form of poetry over notes especially (rap for you dumb hoes). I'm a unique individual who has alot of traits that people like but don't seem to be able to find. And I'm tired of sitting and complaining about how shit sucks, so I'm going to do something about it.

I'm no longer going to be that guy that sits around waiting.

"Wait for your whole life and come to realize all your waiting is for your time to be up" ~ me

Out to go get my life right,
Blue aka 1 Breath

*** Sidenote - Sorry if this wasn't as introspective or life lesson infused as usual, but I just thought I would throw this down for my lack of blogs. Maddchild gotta stop posting two a day, I can't keep up with that. But I'll hit you with some nice thought out ish in the next few days.

Love has no limit.

2007-12-16T02:54:00.000-05:00

"It don't take a whole day to recognize sunshine" - Common

They say the end is near its important that we close(another quote). Not only close to the person you lovin' but to all those other people in your life you love. Get close. I feel that I get too close to the females though. I don't want a relationship right now. I mean of course theres one or two girls that I'd talk to no problem but other than those two(or one) I'm single. So when I tell girls this and they say "aight" I'm thinking ok. Then after a couple weeks of talking on the phone and chilling they hit me with the "when we gonna' hook up?" conversation. You already know whats running through my head(do you, I know you do).

I don't really understand what I do to make them think I want a relationship. Maybe I send the wrong signals? Like hugging her daily or talking on the phone with her for an hour or more. I mean its not like I wrote her a four page letter and enclosed it with a kiss, right? For some strange reason they get the impression that I'm feeling them way more than I actually am. Being the nice guy I am(yeah...) I try not to hurt their feelings. But if you like someone and they don't like you back chances are once you find that out you aren't going to dust it off your shoulder just like that. You might just grab a pistol and dust them off instead.

I never really felt the need to just burn it in their mind that I didn't want a relationship. Madd likes to flirt...so what? Its not just that I like to flirt with the ladies, but I mean it doesn't take a whole day to recognize sunshine, but it certainly does take a couple hours. I always talk to them knowing they might catch feelings because I'm trying to see if I might. I mean she just might be the female that I actually fall for...or she might just make my life a living hell. Either way life keeps going on.

Getting close is good, but too close may give people the wrong impression. I think I need to take a step back and take a good look at the signals I send. I plan to get one girl and keep one girl, but being single is too good right now. Recognizing sunshine can wait another day, unless her rays of light hit my sunglasses in a way that just drives me crazy...then I have to wife her. When I do finally find that sunshine it'll be all love and no false signals. Love has no limit, lets spend it slow forever.

I'm still the same.

2007-12-16T00:44:00.000-05:00

"Why do niggas say I changed for a girl?" - Common

The age old question...do you put a female before your niggas? Not your niggas, but your friends. People who have been there for you, and you know are down to ride no matter what. Basically people that just don't give a fuck! When it comes down to it you know they got you, and you got them. Not just any female, I mean one that your in a real relationship with. Do you put her before people you've broke bread with?

The situation is simple, you and your boys are about to head out on a Saturday night and chill. But your girl calls you at the last minute and wants to hook up so you two can do your thing. Now any other time a nigga would be like hell yeah why pick chillin' with my peoples when I could be gettin' some ass? But when it comes down to it your dissing your people for a female. But then again your dissing your girl for your people. Which do your choose?

The way I see it both sides have to respect the fact that they are both there. I mean I don't expect my niggas to catch feelings like a girl when I'm tell them Ima'chill with my baby instead of run the streets with them. And I don't want my girl to trip when I want to spend time with my boys. It goes both ways. I don't feel like I'm exactly putting either before eachother. But to be honest in the end Ima' choose my niggas. These are people I've grown up with. People I've known for like 7 years. Niggas I've went through alot of bullshit with, good times and bad times. I can't let a female come in between that, she better get her mind right.

Its never one-sided so when I do put my girl first its because I have real feelings for her and I know she feels the same. Its not like I'm knocking my boys or anything its just the fact that everyone wants to spend time with someone they feel they have a sexual...or natural bond with. So if it gets to the point where niggas say I've changed for a girl. All Ima' say is nigga grow up and get off my sack. I ain't changed for nobody, I just grew up as a person. Do some soul searchin' niggas.

Walk in Another Man's Shoes

2007-12-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

"Look through my eyes, do as I do, be as I be, walk in my shoes and hurt yo feet" ~ DMX

If only we could see the world through another's perspective...
How one person views the world may be completely different than how another does.

All the events, whether tragic or joyous, painful or beautiful, that have unfolded during our lives make us who we are. How different the events in each other's lives are makes us see the world through many perspectives.

If you grew up in the projects and all you ever saw in your life was poverty, despair, and had come to the realization that this world was a cold, cold place early on in life, you will have a very different perspective than others. Particularly those who grew up in the suburbs with parents who make a good salary and they are able to get whatever they want.

I think this is what creates a large separation between people, especially of different classes. The poverty stricken tend to have a much more bleek outlook on life, while the rich tend to think the world is all roses. If only we could switch roles for just a day, and we would all be better off.

There is no understanding of others anymore. It's all self centered, and if you don't have any problems in the world, no one else should either. But sadly it doesn't work that way. If some people only knew the half of the experiences of the less fortunate, they would understand why they have some issues. Me included. Not to say that I grew up in the projects, thats not the case at all. I've just had alot of bad experiences to deal with.

If you can't relate, then you can't understand the struggle. If you don't understand the struggle, you don't believe it really exists.

Out to go get back on the grind,
Blue aka 1 Breath

Lockdown without a cell.

2007-12-13T20:15:00.000-05:00

"Man this happens on a regular, the racial profiling, the minority shootings etc, etc." - Joell Ortiz

Police brutality is nothing new in America. I've been harassed by the police more than once, but its all good. 'Fuck the police' puts it quite nice for me, so this blog isn't even really about that nonsense. Its more about those living life behind bars...and sometimes those bars aren't always cold steel.

"You guilty until proven innocent, up in the ghetto brah'" - Mr. Ortiz

I feel that the system is already against a black man, but to get locked down in the system where they can control your every movement without using psychological warfare is crazy. I question the freedom we have while on the outside, but while your on the inside theres no need to question it. Your viewed as an animal, and even if you change your life you can never change your past. And your past is something you have to live with for the rest of your life. These are the steel bars. Cellmates, yard fights, basketball, weights, books, and converting to Islam.

I never been locked up, but I feel like I'm trapped in a cell constantly. I feel like I'm locked down, coming into the world and being degraded because of my skin color. Not only because of my color but because of stereotypes that circle my culture or my race. I think thats fucked up. Don't get the wrong impression, I mean sometimes all of this is done to me by my own people.

Living behind bars isn't what I want, or what I want for my children. Being a prisoner in your own home? In your own body? Being trapped in disbelief, or hiding from your past? Bars seperate us all in society. The only type of bars I enjoy in life is when I'm creating a verse with a pen & pad. I'm not a fan of being a prisoner, so its time to rebel. The revolution will not be televised. Now, nigga wheres the key to this bitch?

Diamonds aren't always forever.

2007-12-13T19:44:00.000-05:00

"Life movin' too fast I need to slow down" - Kanye West

Sometimes I feel maybe I'm moving too fast in this paper chase. And at other times I'm like what the hell am I thinking...I gotta get the money regardless. Introducing my homegirl(Lissa, see I said it) to Wu-tang earlier this week reminded me of one of the streets many sayings...Cash Rulez Everything Around Me, CREAM nigga. Theres two things wrong with that saying though. First off, I'm not in the streets enough to have to shout that. Second off, money is one of the only things a young black male thinks about when he comes from almost nothing...he thinks about it so much that he might dive into a life in the streets to get it. I'm one of those young black males. I need to slow down.

Chasing money, cream, bread, paper, or/and all of the above isn't the only thing that might cause a young nigga to move alittle too quick though. Love can take you on a rollercoaster thats ten times faster than any of these weed smoking niggas dipping from the local beat-a-nigga's-ass-for-no reason...in other words police officer. Moving too fast in this area can send a brother to heartbreak hotel(Common, get educated). Young niggas caught up in love, slow down.

I enjoy life alot nowadays, besides from the beef, stress, and bullshit that I go through. Life is like a diamond...that doesn't last forever. I don't want to run through it too quick and overlook some things, and I also don't want to go through it so slow that I watch everyone I care about fade away. I know my life...diamond...whatever you want to call it won't last forever, but while its still intact I want to live it out just right. If you feel the same way, lets both slow down.

"Girl ain't give me no ass, ya' need to go down" - Ye'
I just had to add that lol.

Get ya' mind right.

2007-12-11T20:50:00.000-05:00

"Nigga I'm feelin' better than ever whats wrong with you!?" - Andre '3 Stacks' 3000

Nigga I'm feelin' mighty wonderful. The fuck is running through your mind, dawg? Alot of niggas walk around like they the happiest nigga around knowing damn well when they get home they ain't about shit. Stop the fronting...and the hating while your at it. I think niggas need to grow up...and grow a pair of balls while they're at it cause you can't be a real man having female traits. Especially those niggas that talk about you behind your back knowing they'd catch a hot one if they said it to your face. Those type of niggas..."get down!" - 3 stacks

Ignorant ass niggas, close minded ass niggas, niggas that don't take care of themselves. Man its almost 08' and yall niggas still acting like this. Clean yourself up, and get a mothafuckin' job. I ain't got one, but I make my money regardless(respect the hustle, cause I respect yours). Stop making babies and not taking care of them you ungrateful ass niggas. Those type of bitch ass niggas..."get down!" - you know...

"Them niggas that get the wrong impression of expression" - 3 Stacks

Niggas that get a false impression of another niggas expression...kill yourself. Respect the way another man expresses himself. Respect our females...we have bitches and hoes lets face it but not all of them fall into that list...just most(I'm joking).

If you act like one of these niggas...doesn't matter if your white, black, blue(no relation), orange, rainbow, clear, if you act like one of these niggas...grow up dawg, forreal. Grow the fuck up. While your doing some soul searching, mind wandering, growing the hell up, get your fuckin' mind right. By the way..."get down!".

Don't catch feelings...

2007-12-11T20:18:00.000-05:00

"Don't wanna' choose between having you in my life, or losing you forreal because I caught feelings" - Marsha Ambrosius of Floetry

Having a female as a close friend gives you an advantage over those without female friends. For starters shes a female...it doesn't get better than that, then its the fact that she can tell you about yourself and be honest. See you can't go up to your boy and say "Dawg, is this outfit straight?" some cases its alright but sometimes its borderline homo. Having close female friends can help you understand females better which can help with your game...if you have any. The only thing you have to worry about is her time of the month and the #1 rule of the game...don't fall in love with a friend.

My nigga never ever, ever, ever catch feelings for a female friend. Why? I'm glad you asked...well first off your in the friend-zone so in most cases she doesn't feel the same way about you and once your in the friend-zone its a struggle to get out. Second off, if she does feel the same way about you and you both decide to take it to the next level shit changes alot. Catching feelings for a friend especially if shes close can ruin your friendship. When you start having feelings you don't view her as a friend you view her as your girl and then little shit yall did when yall was friends turns offsenive because now your more than friends.

It doesn't always turn out this way though. I mean being a friend and a lover isn't all bad. You provide eachother with support and love throughout the day and at night your exploring her body with only one thing on your mind. But in most cases in the first few months of the relationship it might be all good and then shit turns sour. In the end you'll feel not only heartbroken if you fell for her like that but you'll realize you just lost a close friend. Once you go past that point and fuck up you really can't patch things up.

I caught feelings for a friend...that shit took me on a ride. But lessons are learned and life keeps going on. Don't make it one sided either...cause near the end of the song Marsha changed the hook on us she went from,
"Because I caught feelings" to "Because we caught feelings"
Females share the same feelings as we do. Keep the friendship friendly pimp, and if you happen to catch feelings, then catch them right and don't fuck up. I mean, some of the strongest relationships are built because the couple were friends first. Its all about the love.

Too Much is Never Enough

2007-12-05T22:31:00.000-05:00

"You wanna fight me, fight these tears" ~ DMX

Or is it enough is always too much?

Heart that is.
It seems like those that don't have it are considered normal these days. So where is the line drawn between being a loving person and being overly emotional?

That's a question I've yet to answer myself. From my experience living in this world today (no GZA), having any at all is already more than necessary.

Apparently, anyone, especially males, who shows emotion is bitchmade. But I don't see things that way. "Life is cold, cold is pain, pain is growth..." ~ Blu (not to be confused with me...no E son). What is wrong with being able to admit your not perfect, or admit that you have had some emotionally damaging experiences? Now I'm not saying you need to dwell on them your entire life, but you have to admit them to yourself to be able to grow.

The sooner you admit your own failures the sooner you will be able to handle future ones. And the more you admit to yourself the stronger you will become, especially in terms of heart. It may seem that little things get to me, and that I care too much, but I guess that is just a side effect of having to much heart. Personally I would rather care too much than not enough.

If you ever see someone with enough heart to admit everything and break down to you, realize they are few out of many. That is not something you will come across very often. So don't just turn the cold shoulder, listen intently. If they are being real they are most likely extremely pained to do this, but know that they will be better off in the long run once it is over.

If you have heart too, show them so love.

"I'm sending my thug love, but who is sending their love to me?" ~ Saigon

One Love,
Blue aka 1 Breath

Don't let go...

2007-12-05T21:01:00.000-05:00

"My ends are perfect strangers who won't never meet eachother, Strong pounds and bear hugs when we greet eachother, Cause in this new world I know we gonna' need eachother" - Phonte, Brave New World

I think the world we live in today isn't quite at the level to be called a Brave New World...but shit it ain't far from it. We got kiddies blastin' up their classmates because they can't handle the peer pressure, people wrapped in bedsheets blowing shit up, and not to mention Bush is ready to bomb the shit out of another country. All that AND Hip-hop is in a messed up state. Brave New World...hell yeah.

So it doesn't surprise me when I find myself trying to hold on to everything I care about before someone pops up and fucks it up.
"I'll take the life of anybody tryin' to change whats left" - Prodigy of Mobb Deep
I feel that quote cause shit is changing and I don't like change much. I've had alot of big changes in my life and the shit wasn't fun at all. So to have someone or something come in my life and change the shit that I am grateful for might just make me go test out my new pistol.

So no doubt when I see my people its nothing but love because in the end I know Ima' need them. Whether its my family or my friends in the shit we livin' in now a nigga gon' need all the help he can get. I know we got some blogs about friendship but having a person that you can call your friend instead of 'homie' or 'nigga' is worth alot.

My ends are perfect strangers and the funny thing is they haven't even began yet. Whether you think the world we live in is messed up or not don't forget to hold on to the shit you care about the most and don't let go cause in the end thats all you have.

By Your Side

2007-11-25T22:16:00.000-05:00

"Tell me what you supposed to do when yourself ain't reliable, You're lookin' in the mirror but yourself ain't desirable, Need another n**** besides yourself on the side of you,Can't listen to yourself, naw, all he do is lie to you" ~ Joe Budden

Now I know my last blog was about R.R.R. and how you gotta cut out the fakes, but I feel I should take some time to look at the other side.

While fakes are never good, it's always good to have atleast one person to hold you down(thats where R.R.R. comes in). If your always by yourself, there will be some point where your gonna need someone else by your side. There is always those times when you don't know where to go or what to do, and if you don't have any one to talk to you will drive yourself crazy. Long stretches of loneliness aren't good for your mental health.

There are alot of times when you will be down and feel like your worthless, but in many circumstances you just need someone to help boost you up. Nothing makes me feel better then someone letting me know they love me when I'm having a hard day/week/month/year. (Yes, year. I've had bad years. Don't ask). When you can't handle yourself anymore you have to have someone else to hold you down.

Don't just be the person that always asks for help too. Those people that you bitch to are gonna need someone to talk to at some point too. So be there for them. Friendships and relationships are mutual, not one sided.

So I reccommend using the three R's and finding atleast one person. Even if it's God.

"Lord please help me through all this self doubt and cowardess, feel like I'm walking in lead welded shoes, held down and powerless" ~ Louis Logic

Peace,
Blue aka 1 Breath

Talking Is Overrated

2007-11-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

"This old lady told me if I ain't got nothin' good, say nathin', thats why I don't talk much"- Andre 3 Stacks

9 times out of 10 people around here have nothing good to say anyway so I'd like it better if they wouldn't talk at all. I'm a quiet person, I try to stick to myself but like most people when I get around my peoples I can wild out at times. Don't get me wrong though, carefully chosen words and a powerful voice can influence minds(so can the media but thats another blog). While words that are meaningless and someone that sounds like they've been chewing on a bag of cow shit can make you go 'W..t..f'. I find myself saying what the fuck more than being influenced by a positive speaking person. Oh well.

If your an observer like me then you know when people talk alot even if its about shit you can always find something out about their character. Like the dude always claiming to be the hardest out the bunch most likely still pisses in the bed and will probably come out the closet about himself in 10 years or so. The girl that runs her mouth about everyone esle is most likely going home everyday and having a dick thrown in her mouth...Superhead anyone? The downside is if no one talked we wouldn't have Hip-Hop. And if we didn't have Hip-Hop I'd probably be strapping a bomb across my chest and hopping on the nearest city bus.

I'm not saying talking alot is bad. But I mean if all the intelligent people could talk and all the dumbasses couldn't I think the world would be a better place. But hey this is the opinion from a teenager that still believes OJ is innocent, fried chicken is a way of life, bitches and hoes do exisit, santa clause is real but is afraid to come to the hood, and Bush knocked down the towers. If your against my beliefs then shut the fuck up...talking is overrated bitch and I can always switch quotes on your ass.
"I got a mean ass backhand and a cannon that don't miss, bitch"- Big Boi

Is that really love?

2007-11-23T22:12:00.000-05:00

"I've been misconstrued, lied to and abused but my fam still swear that they love me" - Phonte of Little Brother

We've all been in the position where we've had a person tell us they love us. At the time it wouldn't really occur to us that maybe their definition of love wasn't exactly on point with ours. Some say love isn't even an emotion. Others say love is the strongest emotion. I say love means something different to every single person and you should explain your meaning of love to someone before you blurt it out.

For example, your girl says "Baby, I love you" your thinking no doubt of course you do. Yeah, she loves you but when shes done at your house she goes out with another dude. So thats her meaning of love, right? Well as you know I ain't gon' hate on the females so lets use a nigga as an example. Yeah he tells you he loves you ladies, but most likely hes just saying that to get in between your knees and once hes done with you its on to the next girl. That ain't love, or is it?

No doubt, I've been misconstrued, lied to and abused but yeah my fam' still swear that they love me. Tough love...naw I ain't for all that. Hurting you by teaching you life lessons the hard way type love...naw pimp I ain't for that either. If you gon' tell me you love me well then take out your personal dictionary and give me your definition of love. If it fits into my personal preference then I might hit you with a "I love you too" and if it doesn't you might get cussed out.

Love to me...man love to me is everything. Love is a natural attachment to a person. The feeling of affection you have for a person...chemistry with another person is love. Whether you loving your girl or you showing love to your niggas thats real(RRR I know you read my nigga's blog). If your definition of love is a positive one and you mean it when you say it, then don't hide your love for anyone, because tomorrow isn't promised. If you feel that you love someone then express it by all means necessary.

We all need some real true love. Cause the love I see being spread around has a nigga rapping "If this is love, I don't wanna see hate if...this is real, I don't wanna see fake". Pain is love. If you understand love, then you'll understand why the people that love you the must put you through the most pain. Strange...but love is love.

The Three R's

2007-11-23T17:29:00.000-05:00

"Stand up cats beat the odds by far, Real Recognize Real, R.R.R. " ~ Joe Budden

Guess who's back from hiatus yellin "Hi Haters!"? Yup, the one and only. I've been a mixture of busy and sick, so that explains the lack of blogs.

Anyways, on to the blog. The three R's. If you haven't figured what they stand for, look at the quote. Real. Recognize Real. Take a minute. Absorb that. Make a mental note. That's a code to live by.
Let me explain. RRR isn't just a code for street thugs and gangbangers. It applies to everyone. We've all had it happen. That one person you thought was down for you, only to find out later they were a snake. That is why you have to live by the three R's.

If your real, if you have what me and Maddchild like to call RLE (real life experience...thats another blog), you will be able to tell who is fronting on you and who is really willing to ride for you. That feeling in your gut, trust it. It's generally right. If you think you have alot of people down to ride, you might want to re-evaluate your crew. I bet you half those dudes are running if times get hard.

When you find out who your real homies are, keep them. Give them love. If they're real enough to hold you down, thats not something you want to lose. Nothing is worse than finding out no one is really down for you when shit hits the fan. I've been there.

If you start to find out you have no real friends...well it sucks but you will be better off in the long run. Two or three people that will hold you down no matter what are better than 15-20 "friends". So find those few people that are by your side no matter what. And keep them close.

And if nothing else, then...
"Fend for yourself, cuz you ain't got no boys, ride or die, really you ain't got no choice" ~ Joe Budden

One Love to the few that hold me down,
Blue aka 1 Breath

Express Yourself

2007-11-20T00:50:00.000-05:00

"Denial's not a game I'm prepared to play, so I express things most niggas scared to say"- Phonte

Whether its expressing feelings for a girl or expressing my dislike for a nigga. I'm not afraid to hold my tonuge, of course I might do it at times to avoid conflict other times I really don't give a fuck. "I give two fucks bout' what a bird said" or in this case what a nigga said. I could careless for alot of the bullshit floating around in my community. And because I have a conscience playing a long game of checkers with denial is the last thing on my agenda.

The point being is I try not to let alot of little things get to me. Stressing at a young age isn't good. Being a young black male in a society where the system is built against us the little stress I'm going through now is nothing compared to whats to come later in my life. To get out what I have bottled up I express myself. I might write a blog or write a verse. Writing has always made me feel better and seem to lighten the weight I am carrying on my shoulders.

Regardless of expressing myself and letting out bottled up feelings it never takes away from the fact that shit is still there. Writing a verse that consists of the pain and struggle I've went through won't change the past and I doubt it will alter my future. All it can really do is make me feel better at that present moment. In the end thats all that really matters when your trying to pull yourself up from a time when you feel like you ain't got shit but you and well...you.

I feel that Phonte is saying denying the actual truth about a situation and beating around the bush isn't something hes up for. Most niggas do that and since in this particular song he was talking about a female most niggas do beat around the bush when it comes to the opposite sex. Expressing himself and his feelings for her is something alot of niggas are afraid to do. Not many dudes will be straight forward and actually get to the point with a female. Why? Maybe because they're afraid of rejection or think that when they approach a female she automatically reads thier mind and knows what they want. Anyway, I flipped that into expressing feelings of all type especially ones that swarm your mind when your going through something.

Why deny the fact that shit got rough for a minute and now I'm in a depression state? Naw, I'd rather express myself and face the shit rather than beat around the bush. Most niggas won't express themselves in such a way where they can face their problems. But I can and I plan on doing it. Denial's a game where you can't win so instead of playing I'd rather express shit that won't make me eligible for a game token.

The F Word

2007-11-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

"I don't wanna be that guy that gets hugged alot, when you just forgot, the idea of giving us a shot" ~ Louis Logic

No not that F word, get your mind out of the gutter you horny bastards. I mean the "other" F word.Yes that one. The worst possible statement a woman can tell you."Friend". Particularly paired with the phrases "Let's be..." or "I just think of you as a..."

Is it just me or do women only want friends? It seems like every one you become interested in decides they just want to be friends, yet the ones your not interested in want your nutsack.It's possible that I've just had some bad experiences, but I think there is more to it. There is some sort of "we don't want a man" conspiracy going on.

Okay maybe not. But how come it always seems like women want to be friends with the nice guys, yet date the douche bags("Why do good girls, like bad guys?" ~ DMX). If I had a nickel for every time I heard "my boyfriend is a douchebag"....well I wouldn't be rich, but I would be significantly more fresh to def. Here's a tip ladies....if your boyfriend is a douchebag....LOSE HIS ASS. It's not that hard. I mean really you think it would be common sense. Sadly it isn't. And once you do lose his ass, why don't you give a nice guy a chance. We don't bite, I promise (unless your into that). And then maybe you won't have to complain about your boyfriend being a douche cake.

You know that one guy that you always tell your troubles to? The one that will listen to you bitch for hours without a single complaint? Yeah him. I can guarantee that if he doesn't right now, then he has at some point, liked you. Men don't put that kind of time in for someone they don't care about. And when he says he can never find a woman that likes him...he might just be dropping a hint. Give him a chance, he could very well be that one guy that isn't a jerk that you always told him you were looking for.

So, lets sum this up. Ladies, telling us you want to be friends is the worst possible thing you could do. You might as well tell us you hate us and kick us in the balls with steel toe work boots.The word friend is instantly associated in the male brain with pain in the nether regions.

And finally ladies, if your looking for a good guy...you probably don't have to look that far. In fact he's most likey right there with you, patiently waiting for his chance that you won't give him.

Your "Friend"
Blue aka 1 Breath

Not Quite 20/20

2007-11-14T22:00:00.000-05:00

"I make songs for the long road travelers, and the lost souls after us..." ~ Blu "The Narrow Path"

Is it just me or does todays society's third eye need glasses? (no hieroglyphics) Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one seeing some of this shit. People have lost touch today...what happened to living for the moment?

It seems like we're all caught up in getting money and only concerned with our personal well being. Does no one else see the downfall of caring individuals? Where are today's visionaries, who is gonna speak for our generation? From my observations there is just a general loss of love in the world now. And I'm not talking about romanticism (that's another topic I'll address later), I'm saying it's a cold hard world. And lately the winter has been particulalry harsh.

Maybe y'all that are reading this aren't feeling me. Right now your thinking "fuck dat I'mma get my money and be good son". But "the money will never equal to the love" ( (C) Jadakiss).

Referring back to the quote at the beginning of this post, I feel there are alot of lost souls wandering around these days. Next time you walk down the street, stop and observe. Observe the world, listen, open your eyes. You may consider me crazy but I feel like theres something out there that everyone is oblivious to. Something y'all are not understanding. Maybe it's because of where I'm from, maybe it's because of my experiences, maybe y'all just aren't on this level of enlightment (and I don't mean religiously). But maybe I am right...maybe there is something y'all are just straight up missing. Something right in front of your face, but at the same time it's something I can't really describe. The best I can do is saying it's a loss of love, leaving people wandering around aimlessly looking for something to fulfill them, but nothing quenches that thirst. But hell, what do I know. I could just be crazy.

I'm just saying...get your third eye checked, you might need glasses.

One love,
Blue aka 1 Breath

I'm addicted

2007-11-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

"I say it don't matter if I work at Mickey D's, I still got a fix for what you got between your knees"- Rapper Big Pooh

Hello, my name is Kent and I'm addicted to females. Lol, naw but forreal the opposite sex is the greatest thing to walk the Earth. Of course all you straight dudes out there already know this. Needless to say we all have a fix for what they have between their knees. I have a bigger fix for their thoughts and actual intelligence level but her "goodies" always runs a close second.

I've stepped my game up I must say though. I went from that dude that use to be scared to talk to them but now I can't stop them from blowing up my phone. But its all good no pimpery(yeah I made it up) going on here. I just feel I'm not ready for a relationship...well either that or all these females I'm meeting around here ain't really worth it. I've met a few but as always something goes wrong when a nigga thinks he meets the perfect female...its all good though...cause it don't matter if I'm dropping fries at Mickey D's!

Finding a good female though is like searching through a crayon box. You always find the ones that are dirty or broken. Or like always...someone has the one you want. Then you come across a good one and what happens? Well I don't know what happens for you but for me it doesn't turn out right. And as much as I'd like to talk about how much I can't stand my ex I feel that she doesn't even deserve the spotlight of being in my blog.

The only other thing I think about as much as females is Hip-Hop. Hip-Hop and females basically make up my brain, besides the occasional death threats and hatery(yes hatery) that runs through my head. But its nothing like listening to Little Brother and thinking of the girl I'd like to invite to come take a ride on my thoughts and switch memory lanes while we dream and wonderin' and in return I'll strip my inhibitions and go skinny dippin' in her stream of consciousness. Yeah I know but hey like I said or well Big Pooh said girl it don't matter if I work at Mickey D's ya' boy still got a fix.

Alittle bit of strength for the weaklings.

2007-11-13T21:54:00.000-05:00

"I guess knowin' I'm weak is when I'm really bein' strong"- Common

Honestly, I didn't know what this short blog was going to be about. That was until my dad called me not to long ago. Yeah my dad...the dude I haven't seen or spoken to in 10 years. Of course I've wrote him several times while he was locked down and I talked to him on the phone like 4 or 5 years ago. But now I'm 16...I'm almost grown but hey this is for another blog.

Knowing I'm weak is when I'm really being strong? That makes me wonder son how can I admit I'm weak. What man wants to look in the mirror and admit hes weak? Maybe my confidence is too high or maybe I'm just looking at this wrong.

Those were my thoughts not to long ago. I never had to admit I was weak. Life showed me I was weak. At times I was down life showed me true strength isn't something you can build up with weights and a workout plan. Life showed me strength is something you get when life builds you up over time.

The more pain I go through the stronger I get. Of course I knew that though but its more to it. The more pain I go through the stronger I get...but the more pain I go through the more I realize I'm weak. But hey, knowing I'm weak is when I'm really being strong right?

Maybe I'm Dreamin'

2007-11-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

"Some say that I'm a dreamer cause' I talk about it often"- Common

Ever since I was a youngin' people have been telling me what to do with MY life. Thats nothing new with most people though. I mean, I can understand why they would tell me. They're much older and wiser(or so they think) and they've experienced more than me. So when I became extremely fascinated with computers no doubt my fam' would start telling me to work with them. Don't get me wrong now theres alot of money in that industry, but sadly over the years my heart has fallen into another area...Hip-Hop.

Hip-Hop has been influencing every thought I have ever since I turned to BET and saw 50 Cent rapping. I know what your thinking...but what 12 year old kid didn't like Get Rich Or Die Tryin'? I didn't stop there though I became a G-Unit groupie. I started fiending for the music and soon various Hip-Hop websites introduced me to Nas, Rakim, Jadakiss, Kool G Rap, and many others. Here I am 4 years later a Hip-Hop Head...who would of thought?

With that being said the thought of sitting behind a desk fixing computers or whatever makes me sick. Knowing that my fam' wouldn't support me if I up and told them I wanted to become a rapper or maybe a Hip-Hop magazine writer(or whatever) makes me ill too. Wanna' know what just makes me wanna' choke a chicken though? The fact that 20 years from now I might look back on my life and say "what if" I took that chance and made a mixtape...or "what if" I took that chance and changed my major to journalism. Knowing that I could be in a place where I felt like I actually belonged. I mean isn't that the point? I don't want to be that guy that could of made it. I want to be that guy that my kids look up to and say "Yo, man my dad was a real MC" or "My dad changed Hip-Hop".

If I decide to chase my dreams then homie don't pinch me and wake me up. Let me sleep...cause if sleep is the cousin of death my dreams died along time ago.